I would now like to present the reasons for Why Canoeing Is Better Than Sex????:
Why Canoeing Is Better Than Sex:
18 – You don’t have to hide your canoeing magazines….Canoeroots is just one of many paddling publications you read.
17 – It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to canoe with you once in a while. (Instruction in proper technique is important….hey I’m talking paddling here LOL LOL.)
16 – The Ten Commandments don’t say anything about canoeing.
15 – If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you canoeing, you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous. (Well then you could end up on YouTube in a video like Kevin Callan sliding down a steep bank, being pulled down by a canoe….or struggling over a beaver dam….with music supplied by Dave Hadfield.)
14 – Your canoeing partner doesn’t get upset about people you paddled with long ago.
13 – It’s perfectly respectable to canoe with a total stranger. (Sometimes at clinics or courses, it’s even encouraged you paddle with someone you don’t know.)
12 – When you see a really good canoeist, you don’t have feel guilty about imagining the two of you paddling together. (Especially if that other Canoeist paddles like Becky Mason or Omer Stringer.)
11 – If your regular canoeing partner isn’t available, he/she won’t object if you paddle with someone else. (See #13 and #14 for more thoughts related to this.)
10 – Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you canoe by yourself. (Remember the following words of wisdom: Paddle solo, sleep tandem. - Caroline Owen; Love many, trust a few, and always paddle your own canoe. – Anonymous; but then also remember that canoeing can be fun with a partner too….like some other things can LOL LOL.)
9 – When dealing with a canoeing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop….just whether they are certified instructors.
8 – You don’t have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy canoeing stuff….I mean have you been to Mountain Equipment Co-op lately.
7 – You can have a canoeing calendar on your wall at the office, tell paddling jokes, and invite coworkers to canoe with you without getting sued for harassment.
6 – There are no paddling-transmitted diseases.
5 – If you want to watch canoeing on television, you don’t have to subscribe to the Playboy channel….maybe some of the nature or history based channels….come to think of it wouldn’t it be great to have an all canoeing channel….yes, Paddle TV with shows like Bill Mason’s films or those of Justine Curgenven….maybe a show called This Old Canoe, all about rebuilding and restoring an old wood canvas canoe.
4 – Nobody expects you to canoe with the same partner for the rest of your life. (See #11, #13 and #14.)
3 – Nobody expects you to give up canoeing if your partner loses interest in it. (I could have said see #4, #11, #13 and #14….or maybe even made a comment on how one never could lose interest in paddling….but I won’t….rather I’ll let Henry David Thoreau: Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll go canoeing.
2 – You don’t have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity….although if you happen to be like the McGuffins, you could turn a honeymoon canoe trip into a life long affair.
And the number one reason Why Canoeing is Better Than Sex
1 – Your canoeing partner will never say, “Not again? We just paddled last week! Is paddling all you ever think about?” (I know many folks who are already planning the next canoe trip even as they are tying the canoe onto the car rack….after a month long trip….or in some cases, even sooner.)
But then being Canadian, this whole discussion of Why Canoeing Is Better Than Sex???? is very confusing….especially for a Canadian….I mean it has been said:
A true Canadian is one who can make love in a canoe without tipping.- Pierre Berton
Anyone can make love in a canoe, it’s a Canadian who knows enough to take out the centre thwart! - Philip Chester
And what other country would define its people by their ability to make love in such a vehicle? Certainly the Germans don’t do this with the Volkswagen “Bug”! - Roy MacGregor
As I observed here before in “Sex And The Single Canoe”: Another Look At Pierre Berton’s Famous Quote….Or Should That Be “Canadian Birth Control”????,http://reflectionsoutdoors.wordpress.com/2009/10/29/canadian-birth-control-another-look-at-pierre-bertons-famous-quote/:
I think that it might possibly explain the birth rate in certain sections of Canada….I mean love making in a canoe can’t be that comfortable. Especially in a wood canvas canoe….kneeling on ribs can be bad enough on old bones like mine so I can’t imagine anybody my age trying to actually make love in a ribbed canoe.
Now I’ve heard other versions of this quote….with such additional comments being made as “without tipping” (which might imply that real Canadians have some inborn sense of balance)….or making comparisons to making love in a canoe and American beer (implying that the “quality” of Canadian water has something to do with at least one or more likely both)….or even attempting to be “punny” about it all as in “Canadians can make love in a canoe….without being ‘thwarted’….and still take a ‘bow’….now don’t get ‘stern’….I know that’s this is a ’keeler’….sorry I was just ‘ribbing’ you….I guess you’re ‘gunnel’ just have to take it no matter what….now just ‘tumblehome’ with you” (sorry I learned bad puns from a master….thanks Kirk).
So trying to make love in a canoe just might be the answer to birth control….at the very least all you have to do is actually tip the canoe over and get an instant “cold shower”….but then that wouldn’t be very Canadian I guess.
Any way, whether canoeing is better than sex or not really shouldn’t matter….or even whether canoeing is sexy….no matter what the definition of a Canadian may or may not be….get out for a paddle….spend time in a canoe….it’s good for you….for so much of your life….who knows maybe even your sex life. At least I know you will have fun.
Paddles up until later then.
